The Edward Cullen Diaries
by theunluckyone
Summary: Edward has had those diaries of his all his life and no one has ever read them. Here’s your chance.
1. Chapter 1

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[I do not own Twilight or any other the characters (I just wish I did)]

11th May 1919

I have been with Carlisle for almost a month now and I still find it hard to believe what he has told me I am. I mean just a few weeks ago I did not believe the stories about vampires and now I am one. I am still unsure if I am glad he has done this to me, but when I think that the alternative is being dead. Well I don't want to die, although I expect over the years I may change my mind. After all I have seen all the ways Carlisle tried to end his existence at first and failed.

There are many things I miss from my previous life. Although I can not recall much before this existence there are some memories which I have fought to keep, they are mainly of my family. It is now exactly a month ago that I saw my mother die and just over a year when my father died, I will never forget them I will not let myself. How I wish they were alive, but would I force this existence on them? I doubt it; I don't think I would wish this life on anyone.

Now that I am becoming more accustomed to this way of life I am grateful that Carlisle is there. This existence would be an incredibly lonely one without anyone who knew the real you. Although I will never be able understand this as well as Carlisle I have seen it in his mind, so I can understand why he did this to me. I am also thankful that Carlisle has this way of life. Even though I have the burning desire the feed of humans I do not think I would be able to when it came right down to it. Although I realise I will never be fully satisfied and the fire will never fully die down, I do not want to become more of a monster that I already am.

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_(Yes I know it is short but it is just an early diary entery they do get longer.)_

**Please Review**- would love to hear any idea's for enteries and if you like it or not.

Also please read and review my other stories: Death at First Sight - The Wedding - Morte Prima Del Mezzogiorno

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	2. Chapter 2

14th April 1920

We are on the move again, people are beginning to become suspicious us because Carlisle as he has been saying he is 30 and he can barely pass for 26. Which is a shame as he has made a couple of good friends here, and I can tell that he does not want to leave. Although he can not hide it from me no matter how much he wants to. So Carlisle is taking me to Italy to meet some very old 'friends' of his. I have heard and seen a bit about these 'friends' and I already don't trust them, but Carlisle seems to want me to get on with them, well most of them. He has told me to stay away from a person called Jane, who apparently has a terrible 'gift'. I doubt I will like them, but I don't want to hurt Carlisle so I will try and be civil.

Over this last year my eyes have finally completely lost their crimson colouring and are know a strange shade of topaz. In future years this may seem insignificant but know it means a lot. It means I can now go out into the town when I am in control enough, without scaring anyone who happens to see the colour of my eyes.

Carlisle has recently been teaching me a bit about medicine at night. It is fascinating, but I know will never be able to put this knowledge to use as I will never be able to be around humans and blood for long enough to be of any use. Whilst Carlisle is at the hospital I have been trying to learn some Italian in preparation for our trip. So far I have not been greatly successful as of late, but I am determined to be able to speak a reasonable amount of Italian, and it's not like I have a limited amount of time in which to learn it.

_Nota Bene: It is Carlisle's 280__th__ birthday next week; I have to remember to get him something. But what???_

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_(Sorry it's another short one but been busy lately)_

[PLEASE REVIEW - want to hear any ideas for future diaries.]


	3. Chapter 3

23rd April 1920 

Upon meeting Aro, Marcus and Caius you could be forgiven for thinking they were quit charming and civilised. But know I have been amongst them for little over a week I am starting to see the hidden truth behind them. Yes they can be very charming, when they want. But I have heard things they don't want anyone to know, as they do not know I can hear their thoughts and I doubt I will disclose that piece of information. I can see the hunger in their eyes that no one else seems to see. They crave power and will stop at nothing to have it. But my 'gift' as Carlisle puts it (although I sometimes see it as more of a curse), has let me understand the real family, the one they try and hide. I do not; can not believe the lies they hide behind that no one else sees. Although I wonder if they are starting to believe the lies they have created, as they have been hiding behind them for thousands of years.

I have noticed their behaviour around Carlisle and myself, it is different from when they think we are not there. They are fascinated by us, by how we are able to survive on the blood of animals alone. I would be the first to admit it is hard, and I still find the scent of human blood desirable but I do not wish to become more of a monster than I already am. My resolve was tested a few days ago and thanks to Carlisle did not waver. When their 'food' was delivered to the castle I caught the scent at a moment of weakness and almost took them up on their offer of food. I shudder to think what I may have done if Carlisle had not been there. Once away from the scent I was better but still craved human blood that quickly vanished when I heard them feasting, the screams and cries of men, women and children rang out through the castle. I never want to be the thing to cause such a terrible occurrence. I do not know if I would be able to live with myself if I had given into my instincts, even though I do wish to rid myself of this accursed thirst. But even the blood of humans would not remove it for long.

My 'gift' has provided me a fascinating insight into the dynamics of this very unusual group. There are currently 6 members of 'the family' Aro and his wife Sulpicia, Marcus and his wife Didyme, and Caius and his wife Athenodora. Most of the 'family' have 'gifts' Aro can read every thought a person has ever had once he has made physical contact, Marcus senses relationship, Didyme has the power to make others happy. Then there are the 28 members of their guard at the moment, many of the guard have 'gifts' like I do only theirs are dangerous. Like Jane; who creates illusions of pain, and Alec; who is able to block the others' senses. I have seen things that neither of these groups wants anyone to know. For example I have seen that Didyme has been thinking about a certain member of the guard in ways she does not think about Marcus. I would want to be in either of their places as once Marcus finds out, as I expect neither of them to survive that. From what I have heard the Volturi are not a 'family' to cross unless you wish to die or whatever we do. They demand respect and will do anything to get it; they will remove any opposition that stands in their way.

[Yay exams are over, so can now spend more time writing the stories.]

[Hope you liked this entry in the diary, was not the easiest to write but I think it came out well. Love to hear any ideas for future entries – **PLEASE REVIEW**]


	4. My Isabell

**A/N - This is a poem written when Edward found out that Bella had jumped of the cliff and thought she was dead. Please Review. (I know it has nothing to do with the story.)**

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My Isabell

As I gazed into the starry sky,

I wondered is this how it feels to die.

For I can not live without my love,

But can I love if I do not live.

She is somewhere far from here,

I wonder does she fear,

What I may do without her here.

As I gaze into the starry sky,

And wish I were to die.

She gave up the fight,

As I reflect on that fateful night,

And as I write,

If it meant she could return,

I would gladly burn.

In the deepest pits of hell,

For my love, my life,

My Isabell.

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**So what do you think of the little poem, hope you liked it as I have never been great at poetry but thought I'd try something different – Please Comment as I want to know how I did. Thanks for reading. **

**I have not given up on this story but been busy lately so will get back to it as soon as possible.**


	5. Chapter 4

21st February 1921

There is a new member of…, how would I describe us? A family? Well I suppose that's as good as anyway to describe us know. Carlisle has found her again; they first met about 15 years ago when she was a patient at the hospital he was working at. She had fallen out of a tree and broke her leg; she was only 11 at the time but they both agree there was a strange connection between them, mainly because at the time Carlisle was on his own, and liked to get to know his patients even more than he does know. Anyway a few days ago he found her once again in a hospital he worked at but this time she was in the morgue even though her heart still beat. He brought her back and turned her. I can know she how good this has been for him, for them both. Even though these last few years Carlisle has not been alone he has obviously craved something more and now he has it, he has his love. You only have to look at them to see how much Carlisle loves Esme and she obviously returns these emotions. I wonder will I ever have someone to love and be loved by? Even when I was human I felt I would never find anyone, and know in this existence the feeling has if anything been intensified. All I can do is hope love will find me, but at the moment I doubt it will happen.

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** PLEASE REVIEW - I love reading all your comments. Sorry I have not update this story for ages. **

**Please visit my new site - http:// rach260. yolasite. com/**


	6. Chapter 5

5th March 1923

Ever since Esme has joined us I have felt even more alone out than ever before. It's not that I don't like her, because I do. It's just that when in was just me and Carlisle we only had each other who knew the truth about us, but know Esme also knows and Carlisle spends all his time with her, I feel… well I feel like a spare wheel. Because of this I have been debating for some months know whether I should go my own way. It would give Carlisle and Esme some time to be alone and they could stop worrying about me. They do try to hide to hide it from me that they worry so much but they fail all the time, just one of the inconveniences of being able to read minds. I can also see it in their eyes, mainly Carlisle. He has noticed the change in me, lately I have been finding it harder that at first to keep to the 'vegetarian' diet we survive on, the smell of the humans is becoming almost too much to resist. But I will not taste them while I am with Carlisle and Esme; I would hate to see the disappointment in them even though they would try to hide it I would still see it. We are currently in England, but are going to have to move on soon and that is when I will leave them. I will miss them but the scent of the humans is becoming too much to tolerate. I need to get away from the scent permanently which would mean going north and I don't want to force Carlisle and Esme away from society. They are both sociable and would become depressed and I would not like that to be because of me. Also I don't know if I could resist the blood whilst travelling and would not be able to live with myself if they saw that. I must leave before I cause problems for Carlisle and Esme. I like to hope I would see them again but will be surprised I do.

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**Sorry I have not updated this for ages but I am spending more time on Death at First Sight. PLEASE REVIEW - any idea's for future diary enteries??? I'm a bit stuck at the moment.**


	7. RETURN?

Ok so I know it has been months since I last did anything with my stories by I have been in the middle of my A levels so had very little free time - I am really sorry for that.

Once my exams are over (about 10 weeks) I will start writing again, and am currently also writing a independent story which has nothing to do with any of my other stories which once finished I may turn into a podcast novel, what do you think? Should I have a go at podcasting? Or just put it on this site? And would any of you listen to it if it did become a podcast?

Ok well I've got to go now and finish my ICT coursework (fun!!! Lol)


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